


Tension

by TimeTravelingPirate



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Agression, Anger, Death, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 04:38:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6105157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTravelingPirate/pseuds/TimeTravelingPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For two days a thick tension has been forming on the bridge. Everyone is wary of the Captain but Spock is the only one to do something about it. What is eating at Kirk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tension

The tension was palpable. Everyone was on edge. No one dared to move or step a toe out of line. For two days now this is how the bridge on the Enterprises had been. The only one brave enough to do anything about it has been the First Officer, Spock. The bridge crew marveled silently in their seats, stealing glances when they felt safe. Their eyes wide as the observed the standoff between First Officer and Captain. They were not sure if anyone was at fault for the unbreakable tension or if it was simply a byproduct of two days of constant flight, leaving the crew nothing better to do than man their post with little enthusiasm or to catch up on procrastinated paperwork.

The Captain snapped in response when Spock continued to ask simple questions that were needed. Jim ground his teeth tightly as his jaw clenched, pulse throbbing and muscle tight. Spock had gone to him for a third time on their shift to ask a simple question as to why Jim was so wound up. Of course he was met with words that were given with the force and crack of a whip. The bridge crew flinched but Spock remained steadfast. His face was expressionless as he tone was neutral. Something was ‘bugging’ the Captain and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Sooner or later someone was going crack and get hurt or caught in the crossfire. It was Spock’s duty to make sure that didn’t happen or at least take the brunt of the Captain’s focus should he break.

Jim held up a hand, knowing that his First Officer was coming to him for a fourth time. He was nearing the end of his rope with the simple questions and the personal queries. He could only take so much and he knew, the bridge knew, if he was pushed too far he was going to break and that was not going to be a pleasant sight. So it was with his free hand that he gripped the armrest of his chair too tightly that his muscles strained. His knuckles turned white as his heart beat violently against his chest. Blue orbs were sparked with a deadly fire as his captain’s mask adorned his face. He worked to control his breathing before he could divert his attention to Spock. Even then he only looked at him sideways, hues trained straight a head.

“Captain. Perhaps it would be wise for you to take a break, seeing as we are still some distance away from the planet. I and the others can take care of things here.”

The Captain held no logical rebuttal to his First Officer’s statement. He made a valid point. One that Jim could not find a work around. There was no reason for him to be on the bridge save for the mere fact that he _wanted_ to be on the bridge. It was imperative that he be there when they arrived. But he conceded and gave a sharp nod of his head.

“Very well, Mr. Spock. You have the con.”

Stiffly Jim rose in a heated flutter and went straight for the turbolift doors. He gave no one a second glance as he stepped through the double doors before barking a command to the computer to take him away. It was no good for him to be on the bridge. There was nothing he could do. So tightly he had let himself be wound up. No matter how fast he willed the ship to get to their destination they were going to be too late. Ever since he got the call two days ago that the planet, Serria had been struck by an airborne agent in a biological attack, the population was most likely dead, he had pushed his crew to pull out all the stops and get there in haste. They had been tasked with investigating and gleaning what information they could. But that didn’t matter. Tension filled his body because he was allowing himself to hope that his brother and his family were still alive. But he knew deep down inside that they were not. So he slammed his fist into the turbolift wall only to wince as the bone cracked. He would have to go to medbay to get it looked out. But he was too angry now. Nothing would do him any good. So he burst through the siding door and went straight to his cabin.

xXx

They were 60 seconds from dropping out of warp by the time Jim strolled back onto the bridge. He felt the tension tightened at his presence. His eyes remained forward as he clenched his hands tightly behind his back as he walked stiffly to his chair. Everyone looked and only Spock was brave enough to have a lingering gaze as he soaked in the state of his Captain. He noted the rigid posture and the tension that was swelling in his shoulders. His eyes were burning something fierce. Spock feared if he met that gaze he would spontaneously combust. So he refrained as the Enterprise dropped out of warp and orbited the planet below. Even with no transmission and no close up views, everyone could tell that something was terribly wrong. Black clouds could be seen swirling in the atmosphere. The planet looked scorched like a horrible fire had broken out across the land. No doubt everything was dead.

“Scan the planet.” Jim ordered and he waited, still standing beside his chair, posture as rigid as ever.

“Scans show no life forms, captain. But the smoke could be affecting the reading.”

“Try again.” His voice hollow as he eyes continued to gaze at the screen, teeth grinding again.

“Same results, sir. I feel like visual conformation would work better.”

“Acknowledged. How is the atmosphere.”

Silence.

“Acceptable but I’d recommend going in hazmat suits. We don’t know if the virus is still there.”

“Acknowledged. Commander Spock, you are in charge of assigning an away team to discover more of what happened.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jim turned to leave.

“And you, Captain?”

“I’ll be in my quarters.

xXx

Jim didn’t need visual confirmation. He knew. He knew deep down in his gut. It was futile that they even attempt such a feat but orders were orders. So he had no shame in starting his pity party early and breaking open a bottle of brandy. He’d already had two half glasses and was currently working on a third. His legs were propped up against his desk as he leaned back in his chairs. Eyes were rimmed red as if he had been crying but no tears stain his face. He knows that when his communicator beeps who it will be so he reaches for it with no mirth.

“Kirk here.” He barked.

“Captain. As suspected there are no lifeforms present on the planet. They are all diseased. It appears that while some were still lucid they attempted to burn their bodies in a mass grave.”

“Understood. Kirk out.”

It had been Spock who reported the information. He didn’t want any pestering questions from his friend as he downed his third glass and poured himself a fourth. 

Life was fucking unfair. It really was. There must be a curse against the Kirk family that everyone should die horrible deaths. It was sickening. 

Jim wasted no time in downing his fourth glass and then just gave up and grabbed the bottle, bringing it to his lips. He had only just taken a swig when his door chimed. He growled and shouted “Go Away.” Before turning his back and focusing glassy eyes on the bottle in hand, pouring more of the contents in his mouth.

He should have known his shouts would do nothing as the doors to his quarters slid open and in stepped Spock. His posture was straight as he clasped his hands behind his back. The only betrayal of what he saw was the slight crinkle of his nose as he took in the state of his Captain who swayed on his feet and his body shook as he rose from his chair. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red. Spock knew that it had been the affects of alcohol. He just didn’t know how much the Captain had consumed.

“I told you to go away.” Jim slurred slightly, adding a bite to his words.

“Captain, I came check on your wellbeing. It appears that this mission has had an emotional effect on you. As your Fist Officer it is my duty to make sure you are well and help you in any way I can.”

“Stop quoting the handbook at me, Spock.” Jim spat as he rounded on his friend, bottle to his lip as he took another drink.

“You are intoxicated.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Jim retorted with a roll of his eyes as he wobbled on his feet. Finding it better to sit, he leaned against his desk.

“May I inquire as to what the matter is, Captain?”

“No you may not ‘inquire as to what the matter is,’ Spock.” Jim mocked as he fumed, hands ringing and grasping for purchase on the slick bottle. His head was starting to pound and he was feeling really shitty. Anger flared in his chest as he rose up from his seat and went straight to Spock. His breath reeked of the pungent smell of alcohol but Jim didn’t care as he invaded Spock’s personal space. The Vulcan did not have much room to escape before he found his back pressed against the bulkhead doors.

“Captain.” His voice was wary and slight with warning.

“Don’t ‘Captain’ me, Spock. We’re fucking off duty. Stop being so uptight.” His words were designed to hurt because hell, he hurt right now and didn’t know what to do with himself. The brandy wasn’t doing much good besides making him very hot and more angry.  
“Jim. I please ask that you refrain me insulting me and talk to me in a civil manner if we are to get anywhere.”

“Or what?” He shot back, eyes glaring with an evil fie.

“You are intoxicated and require rest. But I know you will refute such orders so I am here to make sure you do not harm yourself.”

Jim laughed, loudly, as he turned on his heel and walked back to the center of the room.

“How noble of you, Spock. And let me guess, this is part of your duty as First Officer?” Another chug from the bottle.

“Yes. And also as a friend.”

Jim quirked a brow at this and shook his head. “Friends, huh. What can you do for me as a friend, Spock? Does your culture even allow friendships?”

Spock stiffened. Anger rippled in his eyes as his features remained calm.

“You know, maybe it’s good you don’t have friends because they all end up leaving you or dying on you anyway. No one ever sticks around.” Jim’s voice was filled with anger at those words as he drank the bottle nearly dry, leaving only an eighth of it left.

“Well Jim, you are doing an adequate job of insulting one of your friends and pushing them away. Have you considered that you may be the reason they leave?”

He huffed and rolled his shoulders a flash of anger scorched his face. “Insulting, huh. Why don’t you just leave, Spock since I’m hurting your feeling. Everyone else does. Don’t worry, I won't cry over spilt milk. I’m used to it.”

Kirk laughed without humor as he finished off the bottle. His body swayed and threatened to topple over but he worked to keep himself upright.

“I can assure you that despite your vulgar language and actions I will not leave. Not as your First Officer nor as your friend.”

“How noble of you Commander Spock but I know how this works. In the end you’ll leave, just like the others. It always happens.”

“To which others do you refer, Jim?” Spock kept his voice level but it had dropped in volume. He could tell that he was starting to hit a nerve with Kirk. All he needed was to keep the man talking.

“Everyone.” Jim snorted. “You name it. Friends, allies, family members, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, friends from the academy and.” His voice stopped abruptly as he rounded on Spock again and jabbed his finger into his chest.

“I told you I don’t want to talk about it. Now get out.”

“I’m sorry Jim. But I believe it is best if I stay.”

“Bullshit. Now get out.” He fumed, going over to the bulkhead doors and opening them.

“Jim.” Spock pleaded. “Please allow me to assist you.”

“No. Get out.” 

“Jim.”

“Get out!” He screamed.

Spock did nothing but simply seal the door and lock it. 

“I will not leave until you tell me what has conspired since the bridge and now.”

Jim was livid. His entire body was bristling with anger. He couldn’t help himself as he felt his foot step forward and his arm raise to punch Spock in the face. He missed, of course and spun around until he landed on the floor. He cursed, his hand from earlier still broken. Spock noted this and bent to assist the Captain up.

“You are inured.” 

“Yeah, well, punching a wall will do that do you.”

Jim shifted on his feet, anger slightly dissipated.

“Jim please tell me what is wrong.”

“There is no point wasting time on words, Spock.” His voice was starting to escalate again. “No fucking point because no matter what you say, in the end, you are left on your own. No amount of forgiveness or regret or love is enough to keep people around.” He paused before his brain started to change gears.

“Why do we even bother, Spock? What is the whole point of this mission and all of our technologies and advancements that we can’t do a damn thing about it? What’s the point of having all of these resources at our disposal that we can’t even detect the simplists of anomalies or infections or agents of death. Fuck. I don’t know. I tell you, there is no point and no fairness to life if we have all this shit equipment and can’t do a goddamn thing with it.”

“Did you know someone on the planet, Jim?” The Vulcan questioned, pressing in on Jim, mind working to put two and two together. He was starting to get a grapple as to why Jim was so angry and agitated, turning to alcohol to soothe his sorrows.

Jim narrowed his eyes and held his tongue. 

“You had family down there, didn’t you? Someone died. A brother perhaps?”

Anger snapped like a whip in him as he reached for the empty bottle and then empty glass and threw them towards Spock who dodged them easily. They shattered against the wall. 

“Don’t you dare mention my brother. Don’t you dare.” His voice was tight and hard as steele

“Jim.” Spock continued to walk forward. He knew that this was dangerous. He was dealing with a wild animals. Cornering them was never good. It could get quite violent. But if it meant that Jim could express and release his anger out then so be it. It was his duty as First Officer and more importantly, Jim’s friend.

Ever since they had become a command team together, he has watched over Jim, learning the way he moves, the way he talks, and the way he commands. Spock has become quite good at picking up the Captain’s different moods and what they mean. When to push and when to stay. When to listen and when to give advice. But this, this is something he had never seen in the Captain before and he was flying blind. No matter what it took, he would see that Jim was safe even with a broken heart.

“I told you to get the fuck out you halfbreed.” Jim seethed, anger in his eyes mixed with underlying grief and fear. His body trembled as he brought his hands up to his head, pressing his palms to his eyes. His body ached, he couldn’t breath and his head was pounding. The room was starting to spin and he felt like he wanted to vomit. Too much was going on around him. Jim just wanted it all to go away and to end. Just end and leave him alone.

“Jim.” Spock tried again, voice soft and low. He inched closer, arms outstretched in a ‘no harm’ manner as he walked. He was pushing Jim against the opposite wall in a hopes to corner him and subdue him gently. 

“What part of ‘get the fuck out’ do you not understand?” Jim shouted, again. “I told you I don’t want to talk about anything. Just leave me alone. Why can’t you do that?”

“Because, Jim.” The Vulcan replied. “You say you wish to be alone but I know that you do not. You have experienced a great loss and a greif. Please, as your friend, let me help you. Talk to me. Express your anger. Do something to release the turmoil that is inside.”

“Stop preaching your Vulcan shit at me. I’m human. Got it? Human. Humans who die and have short life spans and are not logical and leave on a whim. A no good fucking human.”

The Captain’s voice was shaking now as he body continued to tremble. It was not fit to stand but he kept on walking back till his back was against the wall. He knew that he was cornered and he didn’t like this. His eyes flickered in rage as he bared his teeth and lunged at Spock. His fists beat into the Vulcan’s chest. Momentarily Spock was caught off guard by the torrent and intensity of emotions. It caused him to suck in a breath and quickly raise his shields. Jim managed to get in a few punches by this time but he ended up collapsing on his knees cradling his broken hand.

“It’s not fucking, fair, Spock. It’s not fucking fair.” His outburst of anger morphing into grief as he rocked back and forth on his knees.

The Vulcan bent down and gripped Jim’s shoulder tightly. “Talk to me Jim.”

“My entire family is gone, Spock. I have no one left.” His voice is soft at this point, tears streaming down his face. The heat of anger vanishing completely.

“Why should I even bother with this stupid job any more? What is the point of having all of these resources and power at our disposal if we can’t so much as put a decent detection system or good doctors on the colonies? Why?” 

Jim’s voice broke at the last word as he collapsed into grief stricken sobs, his body shaking, his head pounding still as he allowed himself to be embraced by his First Officer. He didn’t care anymore. There was no point. He was all alone with no family ties. Every single person in his family was officially dead, all having died tragic deaths. It was unfair. He should be next and then finally the Kirks can die out and just become a name of legend.

Spock picked up on these thoughts and tightened his hold on his friend. “No matter what you think, Jim, you will always have a family here on the Enterprise. You have people here who care for you and will do anything for you. Myself included. Do not think that you are alone. You are never alone.”

Jim snorted and shook his head. Vision was blurred by the amount of tears that had fallen from his eyes. “I’m never alone until people leave or die. Simple as that.”

Silence stretched between the two as Spock pressed his lips against Jim’s ear. He felt the man shudder as his lips parted. “I promise you this, Jim Kirk. I shall never leave you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.”

Jim sucked in a breath before his body finally broke, collapsing against Spock. His vision as the last to go as he slipped into unconsciousness. The last feeling to enter his thoughts, fleeting it may be, was hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for love. Hope of life. Spock had given him hope no matter how small it was. Hope.


End file.
